the pettiest Sisyphus ever

[zenithblue]

So the desk is now officially an existential crisis. I'm not being melodramatic here. It's been a whole saga and every day I go into my office feeling cheery and hopeful that a vague desk-shape might start to appear from the MORE THAN FIFTY PIECES (!!!) that came in the box from Office Depot. And every day, when I slink out of the office, I feel like seppuku is a viable option. This constant discouragement is certainly not helped by the fact that even finding the desk was an ordeal. I 1) went to Ikea, 2) picked out one I liked from Ikea and got my heart set on it, 3) discovered that the one I picked couldn't hold a keyboard tray, which since my joints are now mush from five years of library work is a necessity, 4) went to the office store, 5) picked out one I thought I could live with, 6) was told it was out of stock, 7) tracked down another one at another Office Depot, 8) purchased the thing feeling excited that an end was in sight. And that was three days ago! Three days, of MORE THAN FIFTY PIECES of heavy desk debris scattered across the floor of the office!

And one of the MORE THAN FIFTY PIECES was broken, so I have to wait for the replacement to come in the mail before I have a hope of finishing the stupid thing.

Every painful quandry I get into (with the help of the utterly useless directions) gets resolved just in time for a new painful quandry to rise up.

I hate it.

The desk saga has also happened in concert with the destruction of my coffee maker. The carafe broke and it's out of production so I can't get it replaced, but I'm too stubborn to throw away an otherwise perfectly good coffee maker. The sad thing is, it won't actually percolate without the bloody carafe pressing against the drip just right. So I've been standing at the coffee maker pressing a spoon up to the drip to force it to give me caffeine. But seriously, there is just a shade too much antagonism in my life right this instant.

Of course, then I get back to the book I'm reading (Cormac McCarthy's The Road) and I feel like an asshole. Okay, so I have to jerry-rig my coffeepot. I'm not yet digging dirty seeds out of hay bales to feed my starving child.

Comments

[decemberthirty.livejournal.com]

Of course, then I get back to the book I'm reading (Cormac McCarthy's The Road) and I feel like an asshole. Okay, so I have to jerry-rig my coffeepot. I'm not yet digging dirty seeds out of hay bales to feed my starving child.

Oh yes. The Road absolutely made me feel like a coddled weakling, all soft and privileged and complaining about the most inconsequential of life's trials. I guess that's a good message to hear every once in a while.

[zenithblue.livejournal.com]

Did it also make you want to become a survivalist? Because with every passing page I'm a step closer to getting to the army surplus store ASAP and stockpiling some MRE's.

[decemberthirty.livejournal.com]

It did! I never thought I'd have that impulse, but I couldn't stop imagining myself in that situation and thinking about how I would be dead within ten minutes.

[drawgirl.livejournal.com]

Okay, okay, I know your frustrated, but the very mental image of you standing there in your jammy jams scowling at Makor while poking it with a spoon gave me the giggles here at work. In my mind, since you're tired and you haven't had your coffee yet (oh the irony!), your attention wanders and the spoon droops and for the life of you, you can't figure out why Makor has stopped giving you coffee until you remember just why it is that you are holding the spoon and thus begin the scowling-poke-droop cycle again.

I suppose it's less funny in person.

Do you need me to come down and put your desk together? Slasher just got me a bit-ch-in tool set for a belated anniversary present. Send me a picture of it - maybe I can give you some pointers.

[zenithblue.livejournal.com]

No, it's probably about that funny in person too.

It's okay though. I'm getting the hang of it. I have the spoon technique pretty well mastered.

[kiwikat.livejournal.com]

So I've been standing at the coffee maker pressing a spoon up to the drip to force it to give me caffeine. But seriously, there is just a shade too much antagonism in my life right this instant.

i was already amused, but that bit actually made me laugh. i can just see you there with your eyes wild and determined as you sloooowly eke out some coffee. : D

[zenithblue.livejournal.com]

Yeah, we'll see how long this situation lasts. I may scamper my ass back to Target tomorrow and send the old Braun and Decker for burial at sea.

Well, your parents weren't killed in a green flash either.

[(Anonymous)]

Okay, I admit I haven't read it, but I'm pretty sure The Road is fiction. I think there are real situations around the world to make you feel bad about yourself without dragging in imaginary ones.

Re: Well, your parents weren't killed in a green flash either.

[zenithblue.livejournal.com]

Indeed, though The Road is one of those fictions that gives you disturbing emotional access to some of those real situations. But yes, the world is not lacking opportunities to make me feel like a spoiled brat.

[spacecowboytom.livejournal.com]

Train Jack to take dictation. Seriously.

Now to get him to piss freshly brewed coffee on command...

[zenithblue.livejournal.com]

Are you kidding? If Jack peed coffee Starbucks would infiltrate my house and steal him from me. Or possibly just grad students. In any case we'd have to go on the lam.

On the other hand, it'd be relatively easy for me to go into hiding. Roughly half my nutritive needs would be met by cat-piss-coffee.

[te-amo-azul.livejournal.com]

Clearly, a minority of minor gods are jealous of your brilliance. But when their shenanigans come to the attention of the greater gods, you will be released from the torture of endless assembly. They're almost humanly eager to have you sit and produce at a completed desk, those beings up there.

[zenithblue.livejournal.com]

I finally got the piece! Hoorah: Apollo, Thoth, Melpomene, and Ganesha finally relented and gave me the greenlight.

[helpimarock.livejournal.com]

I wish I could teleport to Austin because I'm confident I could solve your desk situation. I built at least eleven pieces of Ikea (or Ikea-ish) furniture in the last five months and I've actually gotten pretty close to perfecting the process. (A process that is no longer required since we now have a rainforest's worth of furniture in our house.)

My mom once had a coffee maker with the same issue. I think we just super-glued the button in place.

[lagizma.livejournal.com]

Haha, yeah, like when I bought four stools, and by the fourth one, you were an expert. You were like, what? There are no more? I *just* got the hang of this!

[lagizma.livejournal.com]

OMG, I so understand your desk pain. It took me over a month to fully assemble mine. I did just enough to get my computer on it, and then put off the rest. Be careful during assembly because you can torque your muscles out of joint baaaaaad. Be aware of any weird hunching positions you assume while assembling.

Mine had a few broken pieces. I took pictures of them and planned to ask for a partial refund, but I never got around to it. I didn't want to wait for re-shipping, so I just used extra glue and nails and screws to get around the broken pieces. I am so ghetto.

The Road is not an uplifting book for this time!!