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Mimsy Buttons has another of our incredibly fruitful chat sessions up on Polterheist. If you want to learn all about the glories of NASCAR romance novels skeedaddle on over. And comment on her blog, if you feel inclined. She's lonely over there.

I'm alive

Jun. 9th, 2007 05:39 pm
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Back from Austin, and I've hit the ground running.  Tonight is Festival de Piratas 8 at the Wonder Ballroom, and the residents of the Good Ship Vanity are all so fucking exhausted we're barely dressing up for the occassion (I wanted to shop for something a little bit more butch this year but the date crept up on me, so I'm debating between the "French Wench" look of years past, and a more casual "Urban Buccaneer" look for this evening). Of course in previous Festivals the sheer joy of hearing The Little Mermaid's "Part of Your World" as a power ballad has summoned vast stores of blissful energy from depths of my being I didn't even know existed, so I'm sure once I get there and get a rum or six in me I'll perk right up.

So that's tonight. And then tomorrow there's the ballet (Firebird, bitches!) and Guillermo's Wild Talent's game in the evening, and then Monday I'm getting my car fixed.

What this means to you is that if you are trying to get in touch with me the best way is to e-mail me directly or call, since I am not going to be on the livejournal a whole bunch for a little bit.

You are all so jealous of me that I get to see Captain Bogg and Salty tonight. Next year I'm going to take skull and crossbone panties to throw at the stage at Loren Hoskins. Yar.
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...has the official Captain Bonney stamp of approval.

The Depp-o-licious factor rates in at a full ten, due in part to several shirtless moments. Additionally getting rave reviews are: sea goddesses unbound, the presence of the Mysterious and Treacherous Orient in the person of Chow Yun-Fat, Bill Nighy and Geoffrey Rush in a balls-out competition to become the favorite character actor of one zenithblue, the sexiest wedding ever, and a surprisingly sad ending.

There were things I would have done differently, were I in charge of the film, but all things considered it was a fun night at the movies and earns three out of four jolly rogers.

Additionally, in a surprising epiphany on my part, I realized that overwhelming loathing I've been feeling for Keira Knightly is something most people refer to as "jealousy." Here's my impression of her: "La, la, la, I'm Keira Knightly. I'm going to wear a corset and then trade it in for a sexy pirate jacket. Then I'll be a pirate queen! I'm going to smooch all the boys and then whip about on ropes and shoot vile redcoats! Lalalalala!" Bitch.

[profile] scarredbyitall, I think you might change your mind about your boyfriend's monkey-aquisition scheme if you see what a cute wee rice hat you could make him wear. Also: monkeys + firearms =good clean fun.

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Be ye tired of pirates? Well ye be at the wrong blog then, matey.

I dug up this bit 'o treasure on the Talk Like a Pirate Day website. It be the courageous yarn of a plucky pirate wench tossed to the wild seas of corporate media culture. Read if ye dare, the tale of Mad Sally (wife of the notorious John "Ol' Chumbucket" Baur of Talk Like a Pirate Day fame) and her Wife Swap adventure.

I do heartily take me hat off to her. 

(I wish I knew this woman).

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Yar, fer shits an' grins I loaded me user bio into th' Pirate Speak Translator (thanks, [profile] zugenia). Here's what I be gettin':

Also, fer them o' ye lookin' fer a pirate title, here be a Swashbuckler Name Generator to help ye. I be Captain Jenny Rackham by this accountin'. Thas right, I'm the captain. Bitches.

So drink up, me hearties yo ho. And don't forget to eat a lime.
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Everyone knows I like both pirates and porn.

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We all know of the ancient Manichean polarity between ninja and pirates. Ninja and pirates have been mortal enemies since the dawn of the intarweb, and even today the Venn diagram of their crossing--that narrow slice of overlap between Japan and the Carribean--clatters loudly with the sounds of their weapons.

But today I found out startling news.

Portland, long a harbor to pirate bands such as the dearly departed Pirate Jenny, the now defunct Dolomites, and the beloved (may they thrive forever) Captain Bogg and Salty, is faced now with a new threat.

That's right. There's a ninja band.

I have not yet encountered this group. This is unsurprising because they are, after all, ninja. Their appearances must have been cloaked under black wing of night. Perhaps that log I encountered on a walk the other day was in fact a Fist of Dishonor member who, alterted to my presence through her superior senses, vanished before I could see her.

That said, I (admittedly a member of the opposite camp; see icon) now know their website. I will report back as soon as new intelligence is uncovered.

The next question is probably: do we need to fear ninja attack at the next Festival de Piratas?
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So the Festival de Piratas was more or less successful once again this year, but I've got to say: they either need to find some better pirate bands, or call it the Festival de Bogg and Salty. Because boy oh boy, did I drink a lot during the Ben Gunn Society. Because I had to.

Broadside Johnny was much more engaging than usual. [livejournal.com profile] hplovescats mentioned that 1) BJ was less drunk than usual and 2) I was more drunk than usual by that point (am I losing my constitution? Or are three shots of rum followed by a long island iced tea actually excessive?), so between those two factors I enjoyed his act. And actively missed him when BGS came onstage.

However, Bogg and Salty did two long sets, and while I paid for it dearly the next day, I jumped up and down for three hours. Also I managed to headbang myself into severe neck pain the following day. So all in all, success. I indeed publicly disgraced myself, seeing as how I'm just not good at "holding it together" after overindulgence. But what is more piratical than drunken disgrace? You know, besides pillage, rape, and shooting cannons at the British navy?

They did less sketch comedy/storytelling than they have in years past, which made me a little sad. I do dearly love a bit of theater in my rawk. BUT they did don blacklight face paint for "Billy Bones," and they did lead us in the inevitable "yo-ho" yelling match. And I got to dance with viking wench I've danced with every year since Festival de Piratas Deux (though she seemed particularly charmed with [livejournal.com profile] johnnybrainwash, who she said was "sexy"). So hoorah.

Oh, I have a new CD also, which is awesome and has all the "harder" songs on it (Dead Men Tell No Tells, Mutiny, etc.), so I may be distributing the Bogg and Salty Non-Stop Rock Block to my various expatriates in the near future. In which case I need mailing addresses, bitches.
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Coming this Saturday, June the 24, is Festival de Piratas VII. The crew is down by two these days, both [personal profile] alecaustin and Our Expat Poet having deserted. Both will be punished accordingly when the Vanity doth catch up with their worthless hides.

Until that be the case, though, it seems we have the possibility of new conscripts. First Mate Bonney (AKA Drawgirl) may have lured some people in from her Undisclosed Work Location. Also [profile] hplovescats has found a handful of folk from his former Academy of Learning itching to do ill deeds. And of course, anyone else who wants to should please come.

The only rule: if Captain Reade (AKA Zenithblue) do feel the need to "shake her booty" or her "groove thing," regardless of how drunk she may be, any dog caught laughing at her attempts will be made to walk the plank.

So now all I have to do is decide on this year's look. Shall the captain dye her hair blonde, black, or blue (everyone knowing the best pirates have blue hair)? Shall she go for "pin-up pirate" or "pirate punk?" Just what is the urban pirate wearing on the streets of Manhattan these days? All things to consider. Perhaps after several shots of rum.


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